Happy Scraps

My ramblings on day to day life as a mom of six kids, traditional paper scrapbooking and digital scrapping.

Reality Bites April 25, 2007

Filed under: Everyday Life,Layouts,scrapbook,scrapbook scrap — Becky Adams @ 9:27 pm

Are y’all ready for some honesty?  The truth is that I’m usually a pretty upbeat, happy person.  But lately, I’m just struggling to get through each day.  I spent so long in shock over my brother’s death and none of it seemed real.  I was still waiting for him to come knocking on my door.  But that didn’t happen.  And I was so busy with life issues, that I didn’t take the time to grieve for my brother.  Apparently, that wasn’t a good idea.  I pushed my hurt to the side for so long that the hurt finally pushed it’s way to the front.  Now that’s about all I can feel.

 I have my moments where I’m pretty much okay.  I use those moments to wash a load of laundry or whatever.  But for the most part, I’m struggling just to stay focused on anything.  I’d like to say that I’m all better now, but the truth is that some days are much worse than others.

I have finally stopped expecting Neil to show up at my house.  I guess that’s a step forward.  But the hurt is so big now that it’s a physical pain in my chest.  I honestly don’t think the hurt will ever go away.  The crying may stop and the physical pain may go away, but I think my heart will always ache for Neil.  I think that it is something that I’m going to have to learn to live with.  Mourning and grieving.  Are they the same thing?  I don’t know.  But I’m hoping to move out of this pain eventually.

I made a page about missing Neil and I’d like to share it with you here.  This was the most difficult scrapbook page I’ve ever made.  But I’m glad I made it.  It expresses just one of the aspects of my heart right now.  If you’d like to see full credits on the page, just click on the thumbnail image in the right side toolbar. 

Okay this time, for real, I really will be back with a happy announcement tomorrow.  I know, I know…I promised that last time and it never happened.  I’m sorry about that.  But this time I really will post something happy tomorrow.  Thank you for letting me share my heart with you…even when it’s broken.  Stay tuned for a smile tomorrow.  :)


5 Responses to “Reality Bites”

  1. Karen Says:

    Your page is truly beautiful Becky on many levels.
    You already know how important it is to grieve and are feeling the effects of not giving yourself the time or the opportunity to do it. When my Mum died, all my siblings and their families hung out at my place for a whole week. We just sat around and talked. A lot about her of course but about other stuff as well. We had that need to take ourselves out of the real world for a while to get through this.
    You haven’t had that opportunity to do this at the time of Neil’s death but doing thigs like this will help you come to terms.
    There is a difference between mourning and grieving. You grieve for a lot longer but it gets easier as time passes. You need to remember to be kind to yourself.

  2. Leah Says:

    I am so so sorry for your loss. The page is beautiful.

  3. Can I just say that I know the pain you are feeling. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I have it too. Lost my Grandfather slash Dad 16 months ago and the pain from the loss seems to grow bigger rather than smaller. I think it was meant to be that I stumbled upon your blog today. Fate has a funny way of appearing when you need it the most. Have a sun shiny day!

  4. Vickie Kipp Says:

    I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. It is so beautiful that you scrapped this layout. My son was killed last year in a motorcycle wreck and I have been trying to scrapbook about him for his sisters but it is too hard. I scrap everything else but about him. Thank you so much for sharing this! It is beautiful!

  5. Sandra Says:

    Aw, honey… I’m so sorry. Remember who carries you through all the hard times, He comforts you and lets you cry on His shoulder. Hang in there, sweetie, things will get easier.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s